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It's been 35 years since my baby was aborted and I still think about it every day. It wasn't a quick fix and it wasn't a solution to my pregnancy. It was a panicked response to our fears. It was a spiritual battle for my virtues, my heart, my mind, and my future. It separated me and my mom from each other, and it separated us both from God for a very long time.

I was only 12-years old when I had the abortion and it has always been my deepest pain and greatest regret, yet I kept it a secret for all these years and had no intentions of telling anyone, ever. Most definitely not the truth about my age. The shame and pride had become equally deceitful, yet very effective at silencing me and masking my true identity over the years. The older I got though, the more I began to consider my legacy and after a long period of seeking God's will for my future, He stirred my heart about it and brought it to the surface and into the light. I was 46-years old then and the thought of talking about that experience from so long ago was terrifying at first, but now I am grateful that He loved me too much to let me leave it in the dark.

Before I found healing there were very few nights that it didn't haunt me and very few days that I didn't have an unhealthy fear that something would happen to my only living child. There were few seasons that I didn't punish myself in some unhealthy or destructive way, but I didn't understand why that was, at least not until I found the road to freedom. When I made the turn back towards Jesus, I learned that we are all born into a world at war, a war that we can't see. (Eph. 6:12) I learned that I had an age-old enemy that knew what he was doing, and he was succeeding at neutralizing almost every victory that God gave me. He was good at keeping me in a constant state of confusion with his lies.

The choice to abort my baby was a choice to not trust God and it forced me into a battle with darkness that I didn't think would ever end. Because of that, I can't help but believe with all my heart, mind and soul, that there is nothing worse for your heart and for your relationship with God than participating in and witnessing the destruction of your own child. Still, I tried to rationalize it from every angle trying to find a legitimate reason, but I couldn't find a single one. Others have recently even said, “you were 12, you guys didn't really have a choice, it wasn't your fault.” This isn't truth. I had a choice. My mom had a choice. We made our choice and we were wrong.

Yes- it would have been hard. It would have been inconvenient. It would have been embarrassing to my family and it would have been a sacrifice. But it's what Jesus would have wanted us to do.

Knowing what I know now, I know that adoption would have been the only loving thing we could have done for my baby at that time. No one told us that adoption was an option or that people were waiting years to adopt babies though. Without any support we weren't strong enough or informed enough to know how to go about it, or where to even begin and the consequence of that is living with the memory of my first child being sacrificed on the altar of convenience. It's just as painful to say, so was my first and only grandchild. Abortion was a generational curse on my family and with his permission, I will share some of my son's experience and consequences from participating in an abortion also.

I want you to know that at the very beginning of this journey I was willing to share anything from my past to help others with, except the abortion. There were plenty of other injustices to bring awareness to, I didn't raise my hand for this. It was an invitation from God. He gave me the humility and planted the desire in my heart to use my voice and my testimony about abortion to join Him in His mission to save babies, and to help other post-abortive women find healing.

With the desire that He gave me also came the conviction to share my testimony as an open letter to His Church. The reason for that is because over 33% of us are not honoring the truth that God alone sets the way of life and death! (Gen. 1:27, Jer. 21:8, Deut. 30:15-20) 

When He shared His heart about abortion with me, I understood for the first time, before Roe can be overturned in America, it first has to be overturned in the Church.

So, before I jump into the details of my own experience let me share a few relevant facts that I was surprised to learn about abortion, because I think you will be too.


Since it became legal in America, 60 million babies have been aborted. That is over 18% of our nation’s population, which is close to 328 million. To put that in perspective, that equates to every person under the age of fourteen. Try to imagine every baby, toddler, elementary and junior high school student, just gone. Or imagine every person between 20-34 years old, just gone. 45-59, gone. Every person over 60, gone. Every person in the states of California and New York combined, gone. Can you imagine?

Numbers vary depending on where you live but across the board... no race, religion or income class is immune to abortion. According to Care Net, 1 in 3 women who are currently active in Church have had at least one abortion in their past. 70% of post-abortive women identified as 'Christian' at the time of their abortions, and 21% of all unplanned pregnancies will end in abortion, this year.

Romans 3:10 says that "no one is righteous, not even one." We are all sinners... but as Christians, we are also called to a higher level of holiness before the watching world. How else will they ever know how to have faith in Jesus if they don’t see us exercising it when our testing comes?

That said, we must remain mindful that those who are in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy are likely not strong enough in their moment of vulnerability to believe that they can and should carry their baby to term. That is where we are supposed to come in. We are called to stand up for the fatherless, to defend those who cannot defend themselves, to help the poor and needy, to lift each other up, to pray and to sacrifice for each other. Proverbs 24:11 says, "rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward the slaughter."

May we not miss the point of the cross. Faith without works is dead. (James 2:14-26)


Intentionally engaging the most at risk, which are unmarried women between 20-34, is a good way to begin the end of abortion. That age group accounts for 70% of abortions performed in America. “I am not ready for a child” is the number one reason given. That hurts my heart deeply because I know that they can get rid of the babies, but they cannot get rid of their memory. Some of you know that too.

I don't believe it's a coincidence that millions of women have had abortions and now millions of women are on some type of medication struggling with depression, anxiety and many of them, addiction. Abortion has a prodigious ripple-effect. Men often suffer spiritually and emotionally after participating in abortion as well. Marriages and entire families are even living with consequences of an abortion decision and many don't even realize it. I didn't!

Revelation 12:11 tells us that we "overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimonies." That means we have to claim the blood of Jesus and we have to open our mouths. Our silence about abortion is not helping anyone.


Mental Illness also has a ripple-effect on families.

Like many others, I came from a broken family. My older brother was severely mentally ill, and my mom was constantly on mission to find help. He had started using drugs and alcohol in high school, experimented with PCP and was never the same again. The three of us moved to and from several states while I was growing up and many times, I lived with different family members. At one point I counted 13 schools in five states.

When I had my abortion so much was going on. The summer prior I had just came back to live with my mom in Phoenix after being apart for over a year. She taught me to pray at an early age and not long before we were separated the last time, I asked Jesus to live in my heart. That was profound for me because He gave me a great deal of comfort and strength while I was away from her. He never left me, and He allowed me to feel His peaceful presence when I felt all alone in the world. I was still full of fear and anxiety about coming back home because of all the violence and turmoil that we lived through before, but it turned out to be a pretty good summer, until school started anyway. Soon after, my brother got into a fight and ended up with a felony assault charge and was sent to prison.

At first, we went to see him on Sunday’s but not long after he got there they started telling us that he refused our visit. We kept going back, they kept saying the same thing. No explanation, no letters. My mom finally scraped up the money to hire an attorney who eventually got in to see him and when he did, he found my brother in a catatonic state. He had been beaten unconscious and was being fed through a tube. He had been that way for eight-months. The attorney had him moved to the State Hospital where he was finally diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, among other things. Sadly, he struggled with mental illness and multitudes of medicine for the next 20 years. When he was just 44 his heart failed, and he died without any warning at all.

Meanwhile, it was just me and my mom at home. We didn’t have any close friends or family nearby and we weren’t in Church at the time. My mom worked two jobs, but we still didn’t always have enough money for food and bills. One winter our electricity was shut off for three-weeks even and I'll let you imagine what that was like in a suburban neighborhood, but I’ll give you a hint... the showers were really cold!

We had some hard times but I loved my mom... I sure didn't make things any easier on her though. I had a lot of pent up emotions already by this time.

While she went back and forth to work and to handle things with my brother, I began to hang around an older crowd and met a 16-yr old high school boy. He was cute and he made me laugh. We were just friends at first, but he gave me the attention and adoration I was missing, and we 'fell in love,' so I thought. A few months went by and at the very end of April, my period was late. I didn't wait very long before going to my mom about it and when I did, she didn't seem surprised. I knew that she was desperately hoping I wasn’t pregnant though.

We went to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test that next Saturday. The nurse had me leave my urine in the restroom and returned just minutes later with the results. They were positive. Based on her calculation from my last menstrual period, I was 6-7 weeks along. I knew there was a risk in having sex…. but I was naïve and truly thought it would never happen to me.

My boyfriend had already expressed a fear of being charged with statutory rape and I wanted to protect him, but a decision about what we would do if the results were positive had not yet been made.

The nurse proceeded to ask my mom if she wanted to schedule the abortion for the next Saturday… she even moved in close as if she were a friend. She was not ignorant to the fact that it was my mom’s most vulnerable moment in life. It was going to be $350 if she scheduled it right then but if she waited to make the appointment, it was going to cost more money. There were no questions, no options, no explanation of abortion risks, no discussion whatsoever. It was the assumed solution... whether we discussed it at home never even came into question.

The week went by with much dread and when Saturday came again my mom drove me back across town, walked me in, regrettably paid for the abortion with money my boyfriend gave her, and she left the building. I didn’t know it then, but they wouldn’t allow her to stay. The nurse told her I would be ready about 3:00, so I was there alone until then.

Inside the clinic were couches and recliners everywhere. As I waited for my turn the women kept coming to check in for their procedures. When my name was called, I was terrified. I had no idea what was about to happen. For them it was all very routine, and the atmosphere was casual and shameless.

The nurse took me to a room that looked like a regular Dr’s office and she explained that I would be awake, that I might feel a pinch or a cramping sensation and that I would probably bleed for up to two weeks after, much like a period. “It will be over soon,” she said. She gave me a gown and said that her and the Dr would be back shortly.

When they came back, I laid down on the small, hard, ugly brown table and next to me was a vertical tube attached to a small machine that functioned like a vacuum cleaner, except with 10-20 times the suction power. He powered it up and went to work, and I could see the flesh and blood of my baby bubbling up in the tube that laid beside me. I had murdered my unborn child at 7-8 weeks gestation, and there is no way to sugar coat that. That was May 1985, one month before my 13th birthday.

The day my baby died, a part of me died too…. but so many other dark ugly things were birthed in that room. Fear. Shame. Anger. Rage. Self-hatred. Guilt. Anxiety. Nightmares. Roots of bitterness. I could go on.

In 'that room' I lost the ability to trust other people. I lost respect for authority and I 'proclaimed' that I would never allow myself to be vulnerable or dependent on anyone again. I definitely 'would never' hope for or expect any good thing again. The enemy got a foothold in my life that day, a 'legal right' to me because of my sin and because of the agreements that I made with him. “He came to steal, kill and destroy” my future and the future of another child God knew and loved. He caused me to turn away from my heavenly father and he got my mother to go against everything she believed and knew to be true... and I am truly sorry that I put her in that position.

After the procedure the nurse got me up quickly and walked me to the lounge area for recovery. As I said, there were a lot of couches and recliners in there. The couch I laid on was 80’s orange and there was a stench of death in the room. The nurse gave me a blanket and offered me some cookies and juice. I remember thinking back to one of the Twilight Zone episodes I had seen before and likened the experience to one of them.

There were a few women already out there by then but one by one they kept coming until every open spot was filled. There were at least 30, maybe 35 babies aborted that day in the North Phoenix facility. It sickened me to see them keep coming, I was literally in shock. What I saw and felt at that clinic was not only traumatic, but unspeakable for three and a half decades.

Like most post-abortive relationships, mine eventually fell apart too. I started resenting him immediately and it wasn’t long before I couldn’t even stand his smell. I felt abandoned and used and I hated myself for giving my innocence to him. It cost me so much and I could never get it back.

For a while I didn’t even want to live anymore and about the time my baby was supposed to be due, I swallowed a bottle of Thorazine pills. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. My poor mom found me unresponsive later that night and had me taken to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and saved my life. Thanks be to her and to God, the devil didn’t win that day.

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart, O' God, You will not despise." Psalm 51:17

After the abortion it was almost six-years before I even attempted a conversation with the Lord. I couldn’t bring myself to face Him because of what I had done. I knew His heart was hurting and I knew that I could never make it right, but because of His grace and mercy I thankfully didn't have to.

He forgave me when I repented but my story about abortion didn’t end there. It didn’t end because I still didn't understand that the cross and the resurrection had the power and the authority to save me from the lies, harassment and condemnation of the evil one, much less how to use that authority. Jesus paid for my sin in full with His own blood on the cross but it was hard for me to accept His extravagant gift of forgiveness, therefore it was very hard for me to forgive myself. (Is. 53:5)

To his amusement I'm sure, the enemy continued to manipulate me for many years because I didn’t know enough of God’s Word to discern the truth from his lies. I am still a work in progress, but I have since learned that it is God who brings truth and peace into situations and the enemy who brings deceit and fear. I have since learned how to use His Word to discern the thoughts and intents of my own heart... and how to "put on the full armor of God" to protect me from the fiery darts of the evil one. (Eph. 6:1-17)

It took me so long to get there and to walk in victory because I blindly searched for help in all the wrong places, to the point of idolatry even. Idolatry of worldly pleasures, Dr's and therapist, fully expecting results that only Jesus could provide. As I began to learn the right way to live... God's way, I also had to 'unlearn' the wrong way... the unhealthy coping and survival skills that I had refined so well. The enemy didn't make that easy for me.

During the 35 years I kept my abortion a secret a whole lot of life happened. I had one son, divorced his dad when he was three and to be completely transparent, my son is what kept me moving toward the light until I finally found my way back to Jesus. I raised him alone, threw myself into a career and did everything I could to avoid true intimacy. True everything. More accurately, I sabotaged every good relationship I had because “I didn’t need or trust anyone.”

I denied myself more children. I denied us both a family. I continued to refuse to trust and to exercise the faith that I claimed to have until my son was 18-years old and I had my tubes tied before I ever even allowed myself to trust another person and to truly be loved. I was determined to be 'self-reliant' forever.

Now that I have a husband, I don't even want to imagine not having him to begin and end each day with. I admit that it isn't a perfect marriage (because we are two imperfect people), nor is it always easy. It is worth it though and after all these years I'm so very grateful to have him to love and to share my life with. He has shown me how much we missed out on because I was unable to be vulnerable with my heart.

Unfortunately, the same year I met him I started to see my son drowning from his own choices. With grace, God showed up and He helped me to recognize that the familiar patterns that sabotaged my parent’s life, my brother's life, and my life, had begun to operate in his life... and that they were generational and strategic attacks from the enemy, again “to steal, kill and destroy," his God-ordained future.

The series of events that followed finally brought me to the end of myself and to the point that I could do absolutely nothing else but exercise the faith that I claimed to have, so I turned back to God. I earnestly repented for all that I hadn’t already repented for and was wholeheartedly ready to trust and abide in Jesus, not holding anything back this time. This was the tipping point in my transformation process.

I had to go back and deal with some things before I could move forward, but step by step, the Lord began to renew my hope, to transform my thinking, to restore my emotions, and to reconcile my relationships.

It was a beautiful, humbling process but it was also sobering because my pride had to exposed. The Lord allowed me to see that it wasn’t courage I needed more of, it was humility. I had buried my secret so deep for so long that the shame had hid behind layers of other things and turned into pride, and the pride had become the barrier to my healing. Vulnerability was the key to regaining the power sin had over my life.

In retrospect, I see that all along God was making the way for my escape and preparing me for redemption. He was equipping me with skills that I would eventually use to glorify Him, He wasted nothing. (Gen. 50:20)

While He was doing this work in my heart, history continued to repeat itself in my son's life and he went deeper into the wilderness. Here's how it began-


The battle is not over yet!

Five months before I met my husband, my son almost 18 at the time and his 19-year old girlfriend got pregnant. By the time she told my son, she had already told her dad and he had taken a strong stand against her having the baby. He threatened to kick her out of his house and cut her off from his financial help including the college tuition that she was counting on, if she didn't have the abortion.

She was afraid to face the world without her dad's help at that point, so my son didn't get a say at all, at least not one that mattered. They both had jobs and he was aware that it wouldn't have been easy, but he wanted to keep the baby. He was against abortion. They both still lived at home and being young they would have needed some help to get started. Her dad immediately gave her the money for the abortion but was clear that he was not going to help in any other way.

On the front end my son had hope that a kind, rational adult would come along and speak the truth to her, truth that she wouldn’t hear from him, but that didn’t happen. They were sold an abortion by Planned Parenthood in Lewisville, TX, instead. That location didn't perform them on-site, but they sold them, they all do. They were a gateway to other clinics in the metroplex.

My son drove her to the procedure in Fort Worth and waited while the abortion was performed. I will always remember the day they went. When he came back home his face was ghostly white, he was visibly shaken, and he was crying. He said that there were a bunch of old people holding signs of dead babies and they told them they were going to hell if they aborted that baby.

I don't know what they were trying to accomplish, but if it was to save a baby it didn't work. My grandbaby died that day. Holding signs of dead babies is not an effective way to help someone who is abortion-minded to choose life.

The whole ordeal was so traumatic for both of them and because of their experience, please understand that there is a night and day difference between a picket or protest line and a prayer line or vigil. Prayer works, protest do not. One kind compassionate person who lovingly said, "can I pray with you before you go in there, or, there are other options," might have made a difference.

I felt completely helpless because she wouldn’t come to my house or talk to me until it was over and completely powerless because I was a single mom barely getting by at the time, and I couldn't compete with her dad. That said, I would have done what I could have and that included allowing them to live with me. The decision was made so quickly and without knowing or discussing any options though and in just three short days, it was all over.

She came back around after her body healed but when she did, he wouldn’t come home if he knew she was there waiting. He couldn’t bring himself to be around her. He didn’t look at her the same, he didn’t talk about her the same. He was hurt because he didn’t get a say in what happened to his baby. I didn’t know what to say or do to help the situation. It was a somber time. We were all grieving silently over the baby. The friendship, the joy and the laughter that they had between them before was gone. As predicted, they broke-up and went separate ways.

He went to stay with his grandmother to help her out and to go to college but not long after he got there, he began dating another girl. They started using drugs together and within two years their addictions were all consuming. I don't know exactly what she was trying to numb, but they were both fighting the spirit of death through the drugs. In a moment of vulnerability and despair, she very sadly took her own life and we had to say goodbye to her forever. I haven't been able to make sense of that cruel tragedy, but I do know that no parent should ever have to live through the loss of a child, regardless of their age.

After she died my son was determined to get sober and live, but the emotions became too intense for him and he fell back into his addiction. Even deeper this time. He was full of anger and all kinds of other lethal emotions and behaviors and was now trying to numb layers of pain. His chains were heavy. He didn’t look the same, his sparkly blue eyes were dark and lifeless... it was like looking a demon in the face and he was holding my son captive.

Still, he wasn’t ready for help just yet and there was nothing that I could do about that. Another year went by. I prayed for him daily all along, made a skeptical of myself a few times, practiced tough love for a long time, but then he went missing for 10 days and my prayers were much more fervent. It was a level of prayer that I didn't know before, I was desperate. I prayed almost around the clock. I didn’t eat, I hardly slept. I prayed on my knees, in my closet, in my bed, in the shower. I cried out. I screamed out and at God. I was ugly crying and pleading with Him for almost two weeks because I knew that He is sovereign over all things, and I knew that He loved us.

Another weekend came and went and on Monday morning my husband went to work. It was about 8:00 am when I heard a knock on my front door and when I opened it, there stood my son. Jesus answered my prayers!

“Mom…I need you…I can’t do this on my own, will you help me?” I literally fell to my knees and thanked the Lord for bringing him home safely and while I knew that he had a long road ahead, I knew that everything was going to be okay, because I knew that JESUS was in this. And it was!

The same way Jesus waited for me and welcomed me back with open arms, ugly crying and all, I did the same for my son. Jesus did too, and in an instant, I understood so many things about the love and character of God that I never could have apart from that experience.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19

My son worked on himself for the next five years with in-patient, outpatient and one-on-one treatment and all that was necessary, he knows that. He credits God for saving his life though and he credits prayer. He understands that without those two things, escaping wouldn’t have been possible. Jesus was the lifeline my son finally reached for and when he did, He joyfully put him on His shoulders and carried him home. Like mine, it's a story that brings Luke 15:3-7 alive. (You can read it by clicking the scripture referenced below.)


I want to circle back and say that after my abortion I was really hard on my mom because I didn't understand her 'indifference' and I didn't understand why I was left alone 'that day.' It wasn't easy for me to get there, but God helped me to gain some understanding when I was in situations with my own son where I was the one who was vulnerable and helpless. Even then I couldn't have pulled out all the roots of bitterness on my own, I had to really press into God through prayer.

Intentionally seeking His perspective, He revealed specific things that I didn't know before and later I was able to talk through some of those things with her. While listening, I realized that I had blocked those aspects out and had misplaced some of my anger.

When I set out to share my story about abortion from God's perspective, I was then able to wholeheartedly forgive her, and even empathize with her loss. I had never before considered that she lost a grandchild because I believed the lie that she didn't care, and she did care.

I came back to this because if you need healing you may have some roots of bitterness to deal with too. Forgiveness was paramount for me to move forward with God so if you do, I want to encourage you to find a way to give it, whether they deserve it or not. Whether they are alive or not even because you are stuck in your walk with God until you do. (Mark 11:25)

Forgiveness will liberate you and the truth is, it’s not even about them, it's about the posture of your heart towards them.

As I close this open letter, I want to leave you with two important thoughts followed by some helpful resources that may be useful to you or someone you love. Ways to help reduce abortion are offered as well.


First, the assumed solution that was given to us by Planned Parenthood with absolutely no other option presented, turned into a near lifetime crisis that could have ended after a nine-month 'crisis pregnancy' had we been told that adoption was an option. That all those families were waiting for babies.

Planned Parenthood used a strategic sales tactic in our very most vulnerable moment in life and it shouldn’t have been that way. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are good people that not only will but want to come along side of women who are facing unplanned pregnancies to help them make the right choices, choices that they can live with.

Planned Parenthood, Whole Women’s Clinics and other abortion providers are not your friend. They operate entirely different than local Pregnancy Centers. They are not going to tell you that when an abortion-minded woman sees her baby through an ultrasound she is up to 90% more likely to choose life, which is probably why they charge up to $600 for one. They certainly won’t tell you that you can get an ultrasound for free at a local Pregnancy Center. They are not going to tell you that by having an abortion, a teenager is six times more likely to have suicidal behavior. They are not going to tell you that women who have had an abortion have an 81% higher risk of mental health problems than women who have not.


Second, if you are like me and have had an abortion or have participated in an abortion, please know that JESUS LOVES YOU NONETHELESS.

Romans 5:8 says, "But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."

Abortion is not an unpardonable sin. Go to the alter with your pain. Take your shame, your regret, your guilt, your anger, your pride, and your fear... and surrender everything to Him. Then use your testimony to encourage others.

James 5:16 say's, “confess your sins to each other and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Again, Revelation 12:11 says that we "overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies." God wants us to tell our own stories so that we will glorify Him for what He has done for us, so that through us others might find hope. Helping others is where our greatest joy will always be found.


https://optionline.org/ is a safe place to look for help if you, a friend or family member ever face an unplanned pregnancy. The people there want to help women out of love, not money. Just put in your zip code and it will list the nearest Pregnancy Center to you. Their phone number is: 800-712-4357 (help) or you can text “HELPLINE” to 313131 to begin a chat. There are even places available where you can live for free while you are pregnant.


If your Church doesn’t currently have a program in place to help women who are facing unplanned pregnancies, Embrace Grace is a great organization to consider partnering with. They provide the curriculum and the resources for the Church to implement their programs to become a ProLove Church. For more information;  https://embracegrace.com/.


The Lord used 'Surrendering the Secret; Healing the Heartbreak of Abortion,' an eight-session Bible-Study to help me heal from my abortion and to finally release my unborn baby to Jesus. Since I completed the study my nightmares have stopped and because of how much it helped me, I am now using it to help others. I highly recommend it for every post-abortive mother, wherever you live. You can find a State Certified Leader near you who will be happy to give you details about the next group or private study by loading your zip code into the map on the website.  https://www.surrenderingthesecret.com/.


And last but certainly not least, we all need to remember, especially me, while the act of abortion is the essence of evil, God still loves abortion workers and He wants even them set free. Remember the story of Jonah and the whale and the people of Nineveh? Pray for them. “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood.” (Eph. 6:12)

40 Days For Life is making huge progress towards ending abortion in America and around the world, through prayer and fasting. To join in, go to their website to find a campaign near you. https://40daysforlife.com/.


Thank you for taking the time to read about my experience with abortion. Wherever you are on your spiritual journey, I pray that my testimony stirred your heart and inspired you to share your own God stories with those who need to hear that He is good and that He is for them, not against them!


Ephesians 6:12- https://biblehub.com/ephesians/6-12.htm

Jeremiah 21:8- https://biblehub.com/jeremiah/21-8.htm

Deuteronomy 30:15-20- https://biblehub.com/context/deuteronomy/30-15.htm

2 Samuel 24:14- https://biblehub.com/2_samuel/24-14.htm

Hebrews 6:6- https://biblehub.com/hebrews/6-6.htm

Luke 12:47- https://biblehub.com/luke/12-47.htm

James 2:14-26- https://biblehub.com/context/james/2-14.htm

John 10:10- https://biblehub.com/john/10-10.htm

Isaiah 53:5- https://biblehub.com/isaiah/53-5.htm

Ephesians 6:10-17- https://biblehub.com/context/ephesians/6-10.htm

Isaiah 41:10- https://biblehub.com/isaiah/41-10.htm

Philippians 1:6- https://biblehub.com/philippians/1-6.htm

2 Chronicles 7:14- https://biblehub.com/2_chronicles/7-14.htm

Genesis 50:20- https://biblehub.com/genesis/50-20.htm

Luke 15:3-7- https://biblehub.com/genesis/50-20.htm

Mark 11:25- https://biblehub.com/mark/11-25.htm

Revelation 12:11- https://biblehub.com/revelation/12-11.htm

Isaiah 53:4-5- https://www.biblehub.com/niv/isaiah/53-4.htm


  1. Julie, after first reading your letter I had to exit without comment, because the sheer weight of it was more than I could process right away. So now I have felt the grief for you and your family, gratitude to God for His redemptive goodness, and gratitude to you for your faithful, unvarnished testimony. Your journey from secrecy to humility is instructive to me and surely many others. I can see secrecy-shrouding walls begin to crack and crumble for more people than you can know. And for me personally, you have illuminated Jesus’ words in Matthew 11:28-30. May you have joy in your journey as you take up His easy yoke and light burden as you minister in “Surrendering the Secret” and otherwise.

  2. Julie,
    Thanks so much for sharing your redemption story. Thanks for your humble spirit and willingness to help others. I’m praying for you and for your ministry. You are BEAUTIFUL Julie!!
    Numbers 6:24-26
    The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you,
    And be gracious to you;
    The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
    And give you peace.” ’

    Love ❤️ You Lots

  3. Julie! What a great testimony. Just knowing that our God is faithful gives us the hope to press on thru our healing

    Luv ya, Nita T.

  4. Dear Julie,
    Thanks for sharing your story (testimony).
    God’s word tells us that Satan is overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.
    Everything that Satan has intended for evil in your life…may God take and use for your good and His Glory so that many lives may be saved….From Gen.50:20
    May many women find The forgiveness, deliverance, healing and hope which you have received from the Lord….
    James 5:16
    1 Peter 3:15

  5. Thank you so much for sharing your story. So many young girls and families need to know that what looks like the way out may not be what it appears. Thank you also for sharing how your son felt about not having a say in the birth of his child. We don’t hear that side of the story often and maybe we need to listen.

  6. Julie, thank you dear sister for sharing your story of the redemptive work of our Lord Jesus Christ! It encourages me to share my testimony so that others may know the victory that is theirs through the “Blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony”. Thank you for being a transparent overcomer!

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